Yesterday my husband and I went out in my car, and I desperately wiped the dashboard clean so he didn't have to see all the dust that had built up on the dashboard. I then decided we would take it to the carwash; and then later cleaned some more. I had an aha moment. First, he mentioned how he liked driving the car yesterday - and I said, it's really nice when it's clean.
And I was right.
But . . . . why don't I consider myself good enough to keep my car clean for? It's a conundrum. I brought out some cleaning stuff and clean some more in between my errands and the gym. And I thought. Hmm. My car is not so bad after all. In fact, it's damn comfy! And nice! And it's got bells and whistles that I never, ever use. Because, I guess, I don't need them. Or deep down, perhaps, they are too much for me? I don't deserve them? well . . . I have to say . . . I felt so great later in the day when I came in from driving my spiffy clean car. And I am sure that I need to now add that to my growing list of things I must do each week to make myself feel better.
This was a tiny step but today, I actually felt self-esteem growing inside of me.
Ahhhhh. And all this on a Sunday.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Reducing Toxins
Yesterday I read an article from a parent of a child with seizures. They put their child on the modified Akins Diet (which is a special seizure diet that sometimes helps to control seizures). They also got rid of all toxins and replaced all products in the home with natural products. The child was seizure free for two years and then was able to go off of all her medications.
This is a story that notes merit - not because this is the cure for all seizures, but because it is definately an indicator that perhaps some seizures are being caused by toxins - food allergies, and toxins in our environment. I pay heed to it for my own health in that, the longer I completely stay away from wheat, which appears to be my worst toxin, the better I feel on a day to day basis. I'm 47 - so this is startling to me, that I haven't realized this until about the last year or two. I also realize not that I can really only tolerate about a half a glass of wine before I just don't even feel myself. I'm not sure why this is - perhaps my tolerance has decreased. I'm considering going off all alchohol for a month - but have to plan that out and stick to it, as I do go to alot of functions on the weekends with friends and it actually does help me, a very type A personality, to relax.
On to a toxin-free day!!
This is a story that notes merit - not because this is the cure for all seizures, but because it is definately an indicator that perhaps some seizures are being caused by toxins - food allergies, and toxins in our environment. I pay heed to it for my own health in that, the longer I completely stay away from wheat, which appears to be my worst toxin, the better I feel on a day to day basis. I'm 47 - so this is startling to me, that I haven't realized this until about the last year or two. I also realize not that I can really only tolerate about a half a glass of wine before I just don't even feel myself. I'm not sure why this is - perhaps my tolerance has decreased. I'm considering going off all alchohol for a month - but have to plan that out and stick to it, as I do go to alot of functions on the weekends with friends and it actually does help me, a very type A personality, to relax.
On to a toxin-free day!!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Your Stuff, My Stuff
When thinking about how everyone else treats you -- don't forget that their behaviors are their own (it's their stuff). How you allow them to treat you? That's your stuff.
Part of 365 Detox means taking a stand. Against other people's put downs, throw downs, ho downs, temper tantrums. Their downers are meant to take you down - to where their self esteem is feeling. But detoxing from it means telling people - no. Don't put it down on me.
Part of 365 Detox means taking a stand. Against other people's put downs, throw downs, ho downs, temper tantrums. Their downers are meant to take you down - to where their self esteem is feeling. But detoxing from it means telling people - no. Don't put it down on me.
Water Water
Did you know that 75% of all Americans are mildly dehydrated? It's the biggest cause of daytime fatigue. Check out a whole host of info at http://www.freedrinkingwater.com/water-education/water-health.htm.
Why is this relevant? Because water is the best detox agent around. Beware though that most water in towns in slightly contaminated so be sure to drink bottled water or have a good filtration system in your home. I think I've been dehydrated for years! Phew! Last two days I've drank 40 to 60 ounces of water. It is just starting to feel good. I made sure, yesterday, to do it early in the day so as not to be kept up all night with trips to the bathroom. Worked out much better this time.
I'm loving it. I feel more clear headed, and ready for my day.
Why is this relevant? Because water is the best detox agent around. Beware though that most water in towns in slightly contaminated so be sure to drink bottled water or have a good filtration system in your home. I think I've been dehydrated for years! Phew! Last two days I've drank 40 to 60 ounces of water. It is just starting to feel good. I made sure, yesterday, to do it early in the day so as not to be kept up all night with trips to the bathroom. Worked out much better this time.
I'm loving it. I feel more clear headed, and ready for my day.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Taking Time for Me
One thing I've noticed in the last few weeks is that, more and more, on the weekends, I'd rather take time out for me and my family. Not so much hosting of parties with the extended 'group' but more quiet time and smaller things.
I rearranged the house with some friends helping us last night. Moved some rugs around - what a world of difference a change can make. The space you live in is so important, and it's important that it's comfortable, but that you tweak it once in a while to keep yourself feeling fresh.
Now off to some me-time.
I rearranged the house with some friends helping us last night. Moved some rugs around - what a world of difference a change can make. The space you live in is so important, and it's important that it's comfortable, but that you tweak it once in a while to keep yourself feeling fresh.
Now off to some me-time.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
On Being Real
I had a very interesting business meeting this morning with a man who is former CEO of several companies, an accomplished lawyer, negotiator, and businesssman. He said that accountabilitiy in life - is the most important thing. Thought that was interesting.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Breathe, Just Breathe
Had the usual demanding day. Semi-demanding client. Lots of people tugging at me. Then, home...and...I do it all over again. I sit and hold my breath. I do not breathe. So...I have concentrated on breathing. For the last hour, I'm just breathing. Because when I don't breathe, I feel stressed, I eat, I don't do things for myself. I just need to breathe.
Try three breathing exercises from Dr. Weil.
■Inhale and exhale rapidly through your nose, keeping your mouth closed but relaxed. Your breaths in and out should be equal in duration, but as short as possible. This is a noisy breathing exercise.
■Try for three in-and-out breath cycles per second. This produces a quick movement of the diaphragm, suggesting a bellows. Breathe normally after each cycle.
■Do not do for more than 15 seconds on your first try. Each time you practice the Stimulating Breath, you can increase your time by five seconds or so, until you reach a full minute.
Here is more info:
http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html
I need to set aside 15 mins each day for breathing. Breathing. Breathing. I'll let you know how it goes. Please share your thoughts on breathing.
Try three breathing exercises from Dr. Weil.
■Inhale and exhale rapidly through your nose, keeping your mouth closed but relaxed. Your breaths in and out should be equal in duration, but as short as possible. This is a noisy breathing exercise.
■Try for three in-and-out breath cycles per second. This produces a quick movement of the diaphragm, suggesting a bellows. Breathe normally after each cycle.
■Do not do for more than 15 seconds on your first try. Each time you practice the Stimulating Breath, you can increase your time by five seconds or so, until you reach a full minute.
Here is more info:
http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html
I need to set aside 15 mins each day for breathing. Breathing. Breathing. I'll let you know how it goes. Please share your thoughts on breathing.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sugar, Sugar, Sugar
The decisions you make could save your life. First, smoking and/or chewing tobacco clearly can cause cancer. So can sunlamps. So can, believe it or not, having two drinks a night if you are a man, and one drink per night if you are a woman.
Try the decision tree and see how you fall out:
http://thedecisiontree.com/blog/
And Phew, I have to say, yesterday was all about suga. Suga. Suga. Suga. I could barely force myself to eat dinner - I really only had candy, frosting and God knows what else. I'm better today. I have no idea what that was all about.
Decisions. Each time we eat, it's a decision. Each time we choose the wrong thing, it's a decision. Each time we smoke, drink, eat unhealthy. Each of those steps is a decision. We actually choose NOT to do the right thing, alot of the time. Why?
Self-sabotage. Self-hatred? Why?
I need an apple.
Try the decision tree and see how you fall out:
http://thedecisiontree.com/blog/
And Phew, I have to say, yesterday was all about suga. Suga. Suga. Suga. I could barely force myself to eat dinner - I really only had candy, frosting and God knows what else. I'm better today. I have no idea what that was all about.
Decisions. Each time we eat, it's a decision. Each time we choose the wrong thing, it's a decision. Each time we smoke, drink, eat unhealthy. Each of those steps is a decision. We actually choose NOT to do the right thing, alot of the time. Why?
Self-sabotage. Self-hatred? Why?
I need an apple.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Feels Good to Put Me First
For the past 22 years, I've been a mom. I had my son at 25, and ever since then -- and even well before then -- I put the needs of everyone else first. I always made sure that we had my kids' favorite foods in the house. That we had enough milk. That I cooked what they loved, for dinner, that I baked with them and laughed. What I didn't make sure of, though, was that I took time out for myself.
I am now taking just a few minutes each day to make sure that I did everything I needed to -- for me. I am making sure that I'm not with people who don't treat me well. I'm making sure that I eat right and don't eat things that make my body unhappy. Yes, you have to have treats every day - but not so many that you go to bed each night with a stomach ache.
In fact, it's such a good feeling to take care of me. That I actually feel it's building my own self esteem -- about me. This is an amazing feeling. I've never had this before. It's great.
I am now taking just a few minutes each day to make sure that I did everything I needed to -- for me. I am making sure that I'm not with people who don't treat me well. I'm making sure that I eat right and don't eat things that make my body unhappy. Yes, you have to have treats every day - but not so many that you go to bed each night with a stomach ache.
In fact, it's such a good feeling to take care of me. That I actually feel it's building my own self esteem -- about me. This is an amazing feeling. I've never had this before. It's great.
Friday, January 15, 2010
A Life of Service to Humankind -- Martin Luther King
In 1957 Martin Luther King was elected president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, an organization formed to provide new leadership for the now burgeoning civil rights movement. The ideals for this organization he took from Christianity; its operational techniques from Gandhi.
Looking at the situation in Haiti right now, with hundreds of thousands missing, millions homeless, foodless, without a beacon. . . it makes any of our problem seem insignificant. So so small.
In the eleven-year period between 1957 and 1968, King traveled over six million miles and spoke over twenty-five hundred times, appearing wherever there was injustice, protest, and action; and meanwhile he wrote five books as well as numerous articles. In these years, he led a massive protest in Birmingham, Alabama, that caught the attention of the entire world, providing what he called a coalition of conscience. and inspiring his "Letter from a Birmingham Jail", a manifesto of the Negro revolution; he planned the drives in Alabama for the registration of Negroes as voters; he directed the peaceful march on Washington, D.C., of 250,000 people to whom he delivered his address, "l Have a Dream", he conferred with President John F. Kennedy and campaigned for President Lyndon B. Johnson; he was arrested upwards of twenty times and assaulted at least four times; he was awarded five honorary degrees; was named Man of the Year by Time magazine in 1963; and became not only the symbolic leader of American blacks but also a world figure.
At the age of thirty-five, Martin Luther King, Jr., was the youngest man to have received the Nobel Peace Prize. When notified of his selection, he announced that he would turn over the prize money of $54,123 to the furtherance of the civil rights movement.
Could I have done that? Would I have? That was a great sum in that day.
On the evening of April 4, 1968, while standing on the balcony of his motel room in Memphis, Tennessee, where he was to lead a protest march in sympathy with striking garbage workers of that city, Martin Luther King was assassinated. But his spirit was not. He lives on in all of us, and we grab a piece of him each time we hear about his, hear his speeches, hear of his work. I can only hope to ever feel so humble.
Looking at the situation in Haiti right now, with hundreds of thousands missing, millions homeless, foodless, without a beacon. . . it makes any of our problem seem insignificant. So so small.
In the eleven-year period between 1957 and 1968, King traveled over six million miles and spoke over twenty-five hundred times, appearing wherever there was injustice, protest, and action; and meanwhile he wrote five books as well as numerous articles. In these years, he led a massive protest in Birmingham, Alabama, that caught the attention of the entire world, providing what he called a coalition of conscience. and inspiring his "Letter from a Birmingham Jail", a manifesto of the Negro revolution; he planned the drives in Alabama for the registration of Negroes as voters; he directed the peaceful march on Washington, D.C., of 250,000 people to whom he delivered his address, "l Have a Dream", he conferred with President John F. Kennedy and campaigned for President Lyndon B. Johnson; he was arrested upwards of twenty times and assaulted at least four times; he was awarded five honorary degrees; was named Man of the Year by Time magazine in 1963; and became not only the symbolic leader of American blacks but also a world figure.
At the age of thirty-five, Martin Luther King, Jr., was the youngest man to have received the Nobel Peace Prize. When notified of his selection, he announced that he would turn over the prize money of $54,123 to the furtherance of the civil rights movement.
Could I have done that? Would I have? That was a great sum in that day.
On the evening of April 4, 1968, while standing on the balcony of his motel room in Memphis, Tennessee, where he was to lead a protest march in sympathy with striking garbage workers of that city, Martin Luther King was assassinated. But his spirit was not. He lives on in all of us, and we grab a piece of him each time we hear about his, hear his speeches, hear of his work. I can only hope to ever feel so humble.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wheat-free and Lovin It
Well it's Jan 14th, and I've made it through nearly two weeks (a few bad days when I forgot not to eat wheat gluten)...but almost exclusively wheat-free. I've lost four pounds, have no more gas, and feel soooo much better. The challenge is finding stuff to eat! Lots of veggies, and rice....but it's fine.
I also have found that I've truly stuck to taking care of myself. 14 days. Taking care of myself. Walking. Taking my vitamins. Cutting out wheat. Staying away from cheese. Next challenge to tackle will be reducing sugar intake - but one thing at a time. I need da suga right now cuz otherwise there ain't too much left to eat around here in this wheat-free, milk-free, cheese-free world.
My mood is better also.
And a new AHA -- pre or full on menopause. That's right. I'm in the middle of it. Woke up all night sat night with the chattering teeth/chills and then the sweats. I mean, it was the worse night of my life. But then again, now that I'm taking care of myself better, my life doesn't seem half so bad. It's almost like I purposely didn't totally take care of myself so I could have an excuse to hate myself (for not taking care of myself). I have alot of behaviors around hating myself, sabotaging myself, and not taking care of myself. I've found out that taking care of ME is a full time job. Wow!
Other thing: I loved Christine Laureano's insight and information about how many many thoughts we have each day, and the large percentage of them being negative. Now when I have swirling thoughts I think two things: 1) that I can control the relative negativity of my thoughts and 2) that I will likely forget the bad thought that I'm having right now in two seconds because it will be followed by so many other thoughts. So...back off bad thoughts. I'm fighting you, ignoring you, and filling myself with good.
Standing up taller today. Got my high heeled boots on baby. I've worked hard to get here, and I'm determined to enjoy the rest of my ride through life....
I also have found that I've truly stuck to taking care of myself. 14 days. Taking care of myself. Walking. Taking my vitamins. Cutting out wheat. Staying away from cheese. Next challenge to tackle will be reducing sugar intake - but one thing at a time. I need da suga right now cuz otherwise there ain't too much left to eat around here in this wheat-free, milk-free, cheese-free world.
My mood is better also.
And a new AHA -- pre or full on menopause. That's right. I'm in the middle of it. Woke up all night sat night with the chattering teeth/chills and then the sweats. I mean, it was the worse night of my life. But then again, now that I'm taking care of myself better, my life doesn't seem half so bad. It's almost like I purposely didn't totally take care of myself so I could have an excuse to hate myself (for not taking care of myself). I have alot of behaviors around hating myself, sabotaging myself, and not taking care of myself. I've found out that taking care of ME is a full time job. Wow!
Other thing: I loved Christine Laureano's insight and information about how many many thoughts we have each day, and the large percentage of them being negative. Now when I have swirling thoughts I think two things: 1) that I can control the relative negativity of my thoughts and 2) that I will likely forget the bad thought that I'm having right now in two seconds because it will be followed by so many other thoughts. So...back off bad thoughts. I'm fighting you, ignoring you, and filling myself with good.
Standing up taller today. Got my high heeled boots on baby. I've worked hard to get here, and I'm determined to enjoy the rest of my ride through life....
Monday, January 11, 2010
Me and My Kid Time = Me Time
Today I walked 3 miles with my neighbor, then came home and worked like crazy till 1. My daughter had a half day at school - so we took the rest of the day off and went snow tubing. It was amazing. I cannot believe I allowed myself to just do it. What a reward.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
You Are My Mirror - Of How I Feel About Me
Actions speak louder than words. That's a hard phrase to truly acknowledge emotionally. This week, I made a tiny stand, but it stood for everything. Often times at the dinner table, my husband will suddenly stand up and make an excuse as to why he has to leave the table without bringing his plate to the sink - 'I have to go the bathroom - I have to check the score - I just have to check my email - I have to answer a text message.'
All of a sudden, all of those excuses seemed to me so transparent. So much about control - perhaps from someone who is too afraid of true love and intimacy to let me in completely, so he tries to control our interactions so that I'm somehow always in a down position.
But this week, I was done with it. I saw his plate there, looked at it, cleaned the entire kitchen, left his plate, forks, knives, ketchup bottle, salad bowl, and cup. They sat there for at least an hour and a half or two until he finally noticed. He cleared them away himself.
He didn't say anything to me - nor I to him. The week got busy. Tonight we ate dinner at a friends' houses. I went to take his plate and he said, "I'm taking my own plate honey - my own plate and a whole bunch of other dishes too - and then he took in more and said, where should I put these my dear," as I helped my friend to wash the dishes at the sink. It was an actual tender moment and very endearing. I later hugged him and he even got a little worried about me when I was standing next to the stove where there was a gas flame. I said nicely (not meanly), awe honey that's really sweet, but I promise, I'm not going to catch on fire. I gave him a really genuine hug. It was so nice. Something I have waited years for.
It was a triumph not because I got him to clear his plate or do what I wanted. It was wonderful because it was an exchange of one half of a couple hearing the other half, acknowedging it, and so forth.
What progress a week can make.!
All of a sudden, all of those excuses seemed to me so transparent. So much about control - perhaps from someone who is too afraid of true love and intimacy to let me in completely, so he tries to control our interactions so that I'm somehow always in a down position.
But this week, I was done with it. I saw his plate there, looked at it, cleaned the entire kitchen, left his plate, forks, knives, ketchup bottle, salad bowl, and cup. They sat there for at least an hour and a half or two until he finally noticed. He cleared them away himself.
He didn't say anything to me - nor I to him. The week got busy. Tonight we ate dinner at a friends' houses. I went to take his plate and he said, "I'm taking my own plate honey - my own plate and a whole bunch of other dishes too - and then he took in more and said, where should I put these my dear," as I helped my friend to wash the dishes at the sink. It was an actual tender moment and very endearing. I later hugged him and he even got a little worried about me when I was standing next to the stove where there was a gas flame. I said nicely (not meanly), awe honey that's really sweet, but I promise, I'm not going to catch on fire. I gave him a really genuine hug. It was so nice. Something I have waited years for.
It was a triumph not because I got him to clear his plate or do what I wanted. It was wonderful because it was an exchange of one half of a couple hearing the other half, acknowedging it, and so forth.
What progress a week can make.!
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Challenge: Behaving!
Not behaving badly - it's a challenge. By that I mean, it's actually hard to remember to take care of yourself and your body! It's a chore. I went away for a two day business trip and didn't take my vitamins last night. Sounds silly - but that's how it always starts with me. I slip one day, then another, and so on and so forth. Part of the reason I did take my vitamins tonight was because I knew I had to write in my blog.
Last night I went to NY overnight - business trip. I met my cousin's daughter, and together with her boyfriend we went to watch her cousin sing and perform at a small bar in the Lower East Side. It was fun and wonderful. For the first time I got an inkling of what it would be like to have a grown daughter. My cousin's daughter was so delightful and fun. We all ate dinner and patries at the sugar bakery. It sounds dangerous but I managed to stay away from wheat - but did have a gelato type of thing which did have milk of some sort in it. I took a lactaid pill tho and decided it was worth it.
Busy busy day today - almost so busy that I forgot about me. Thank goodness I did not.
Last night I went to NY overnight - business trip. I met my cousin's daughter, and together with her boyfriend we went to watch her cousin sing and perform at a small bar in the Lower East Side. It was fun and wonderful. For the first time I got an inkling of what it would be like to have a grown daughter. My cousin's daughter was so delightful and fun. We all ate dinner and patries at the sugar bakery. It sounds dangerous but I managed to stay away from wheat - but did have a gelato type of thing which did have milk of some sort in it. I took a lactaid pill tho and decided it was worth it.
Busy busy day today - almost so busy that I forgot about me. Thank goodness I did not.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Mirroring Others What is In Ourselves
This has been another interesting day. Wow.
First, I have to say I am seeing some results because I'm dressing and acting like an intelligent highly sought after grownup. Yesterday, for the first time in forever, I decided to get up, head to my meeting, and dress like a grown-up. Instead of wearing cool hip dress pants that are bellbottom or whatever the latest style is with a white shirt and pearls (my staple outfit)...I pulled out this gorgeous sweater dress set (navy) that I bought online on sale from Talbot's, put on this wonderful thick woven black belt on the dress (under a long flowing matching sweater), and black suede boots. One long strand of pearls and then a silver chain with glass beaded frames on it...pearl earrings....a nice bracelet. Voila. I went to my meeting not only with confidence but with charm and somewhere along the way, even more intelligence and focus (not sure how that happened!).
Now, in the past I would have not wanted to wear a dress on a cold winter's day. I would have barely done my hair (passing, not great)...and worn a much more subdued - blending in kind of outfit. However, Santa (aka, me) had brought me a gorgeous pair of suede knee high boots that were to die for, from Nordstrom's, on sale, for $119.00 (which isn't alot but when you don't take care of yourself too often it seems like a lot) . . .
Anyway, I had these new boots and I was dying to wear them so I finally built an entire outfit around them. I did my hair to the max - washed, dried, and curled it. Put moroccan oil on it, great look, great makeup, and everything!! So I'm proud of me for daring to be more than I normally dare to be...and it paid off big time. I felt good, my meeting was fantastic, I didn't have a moment of unconfidence. I believe that one way that we do NOT take care of selves, is to self-sabotage ourselves so that when we need to be confident, we have all kinds of excuses why we are not....it sounds crazy but it's true. Very sadly true.
Anyway, here's another thought from my great friend and coach Christine Laureano - (www.christinelaureanocoaching.com)
"When thinking about how everyone else treats you -- don't forget that their behaviors are their own (it's their stuff), but what the mirror is...let me give you an example...I know a woman that runs a foundation (she's a spiritual person and knows this, but yet it still comes up)... she tries to get her board and other members to participate more (and enthusiastically) with the fundraising, etc. for the organization.
She gets frustrated and says "They don't want to do anything...%$#@--it!!! Those
%$#@-ing people don't get it." Now you see that she has a %$#@-it kind of attitude. . . So what is refected back to her is . . . no one gives a f*.
We attract what we give, even when we have the best of intentions. Sometimes the way we perceive people and situations is how we really feel. It's about us, it's not about them. "
I get it - I'm perceiving in people how I myself feel. So when I see everyone hating me, or putting me down it's two things - this is how I treat myself. And, I've also taught them that this is how to treat me.
No more. Total lightbulb moment.
Here's more from Christine:
"The self-talk that we use is a perfect way that stuff gets reflected back. If we think 'hey, no one cares about what I think.' or 'No one seems to understand how much I do,' what is the self-talk mirror? 'No one cares....no one understands.'
Though you are an extremely caring and giving person, the subconscious mind is very literal and takes the self talk at face value. We have, on average, 50,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day.
85% of those thoughts are negative. That's a lot. Being aware is the first step, catching yourself is the second step, changing the way you respond is the third.
Do not get frustrated...it will all work out! Trust in the Universe and allow the positive flow to carry you."
Christine - OM! You cannot have too much OM in the world.
First, I have to say I am seeing some results because I'm dressing and acting like an intelligent highly sought after grownup. Yesterday, for the first time in forever, I decided to get up, head to my meeting, and dress like a grown-up. Instead of wearing cool hip dress pants that are bellbottom or whatever the latest style is with a white shirt and pearls (my staple outfit)...I pulled out this gorgeous sweater dress set (navy) that I bought online on sale from Talbot's, put on this wonderful thick woven black belt on the dress (under a long flowing matching sweater), and black suede boots. One long strand of pearls and then a silver chain with glass beaded frames on it...pearl earrings....a nice bracelet. Voila. I went to my meeting not only with confidence but with charm and somewhere along the way, even more intelligence and focus (not sure how that happened!).
Now, in the past I would have not wanted to wear a dress on a cold winter's day. I would have barely done my hair (passing, not great)...and worn a much more subdued - blending in kind of outfit. However, Santa (aka, me) had brought me a gorgeous pair of suede knee high boots that were to die for, from Nordstrom's, on sale, for $119.00 (which isn't alot but when you don't take care of yourself too often it seems like a lot) . . .
Anyway, I had these new boots and I was dying to wear them so I finally built an entire outfit around them. I did my hair to the max - washed, dried, and curled it. Put moroccan oil on it, great look, great makeup, and everything!! So I'm proud of me for daring to be more than I normally dare to be...and it paid off big time. I felt good, my meeting was fantastic, I didn't have a moment of unconfidence. I believe that one way that we do NOT take care of selves, is to self-sabotage ourselves so that when we need to be confident, we have all kinds of excuses why we are not....it sounds crazy but it's true. Very sadly true.
Anyway, here's another thought from my great friend and coach Christine Laureano - (www.christinelaureanocoaching.com)
"When thinking about how everyone else treats you -- don't forget that their behaviors are their own (it's their stuff), but what the mirror is...let me give you an example...I know a woman that runs a foundation (she's a spiritual person and knows this, but yet it still comes up)... she tries to get her board and other members to participate more (and enthusiastically) with the fundraising, etc. for the organization.
She gets frustrated and says "They don't want to do anything...%$#@--it!!! Those
%$#@-ing people don't get it." Now you see that she has a %$#@-it kind of attitude. . . So what is refected back to her is . . . no one gives a f*.
We attract what we give, even when we have the best of intentions. Sometimes the way we perceive people and situations is how we really feel. It's about us, it's not about them. "
I get it - I'm perceiving in people how I myself feel. So when I see everyone hating me, or putting me down it's two things - this is how I treat myself. And, I've also taught them that this is how to treat me.
No more. Total lightbulb moment.
Here's more from Christine:
"The self-talk that we use is a perfect way that stuff gets reflected back. If we think 'hey, no one cares about what I think.' or 'No one seems to understand how much I do,' what is the self-talk mirror? 'No one cares....no one understands.'
Though you are an extremely caring and giving person, the subconscious mind is very literal and takes the self talk at face value. We have, on average, 50,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day.
85% of those thoughts are negative. That's a lot. Being aware is the first step, catching yourself is the second step, changing the way you respond is the third.
Do not get frustrated...it will all work out! Trust in the Universe and allow the positive flow to carry you."
Christine - OM! You cannot have too much OM in the world.
A reader commented on one of my posts about being present. I think it's worth repeating my answer.
There was a book out a couple of years ago called Enlightened Power. In it, several of the 40 contributing high profile female authors discussed the concept of being present.
As women, we are so busy trying to make everything happen, that we become preoccupied. It's not about being a people pleaser or over-doing it. We just do! And with the onset of email, iphones, games, facebook, it makes it harder than ever to 'be present.'
Try being present for one hour each day. No cell phone, no email, no texting, no facebook. But go further. Actually try to 'be in the moment' for one hour a day.
Let me know how it goes!
There was a book out a couple of years ago called Enlightened Power. In it, several of the 40 contributing high profile female authors discussed the concept of being present.
As women, we are so busy trying to make everything happen, that we become preoccupied. It's not about being a people pleaser or over-doing it. We just do! And with the onset of email, iphones, games, facebook, it makes it harder than ever to 'be present.'
Try being present for one hour each day. No cell phone, no email, no texting, no facebook. But go further. Actually try to 'be in the moment' for one hour a day.
Let me know how it goes!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Wow! I didn't know how hard it would be to try to take care of myself. I am exhausted from it. I woke up this morning, walked 2 miles with a friend, and then went to a meeting which took up basically 9:30 to 3, by the time I picked up my employee, drove there, and then attended the meeting, and came back after dropping her off.
I did do some thinking and research in advance of the meeting and it definately did pay off. It felt good to know that the client appreciated all of our advance work.
The harder part today was standing up for myself. My house was really dirty, dishes in the sink, a full, clean dishwasher. And my husband stands up after dinner and walks away with his plate on the table. He says, "I need to call my father (guilt)". and I stand up, and look at him and say " we need to vacuum, we need to clear the table, we need to empty the dishwasher, and we need to get our daughter (7) into the bath and into bed. Which of these do you want to do?" Funny, he decided to vaccum. He did about 2/3 of what needed to be done but it took a load off of me.
It just felt wierd to make him do this but at the same time, it dawned on me how unfair it was when I didn't ask him to help. He came upstairs later and said, what do you want me to do now? so that was positive. I just also had to text message my 21 year old because I gave him money to buy parts for his car and he spent money on skiing. So I did text message him to say, i cannot believe you did that, that money was for your car. Anyway I blasted him for it and now I'm done.
Then my daughter proceeded to moan and you know, do the 'kid thing'. She was tired.
I did do some thinking and research in advance of the meeting and it definately did pay off. It felt good to know that the client appreciated all of our advance work.
The harder part today was standing up for myself. My house was really dirty, dishes in the sink, a full, clean dishwasher. And my husband stands up after dinner and walks away with his plate on the table. He says, "I need to call my father (guilt)". and I stand up, and look at him and say " we need to vacuum, we need to clear the table, we need to empty the dishwasher, and we need to get our daughter (7) into the bath and into bed. Which of these do you want to do?" Funny, he decided to vaccum. He did about 2/3 of what needed to be done but it took a load off of me.
It just felt wierd to make him do this but at the same time, it dawned on me how unfair it was when I didn't ask him to help. He came upstairs later and said, what do you want me to do now? so that was positive. I just also had to text message my 21 year old because I gave him money to buy parts for his car and he spent money on skiing. So I did text message him to say, i cannot believe you did that, that money was for your car. Anyway I blasted him for it and now I'm done.
Then my daughter proceeded to moan and you know, do the 'kid thing'. She was tired.
Monday, January 4, 2010
365 Detox - Day Two -- It's all About Me
Today is Day Two.
How did I do yesterday? I took all of my vitamins, Calcium, loaded up on Fish Oil because Dr. Ed Gordon says you should do so. Then I went to a 40th Birthday Party and while I managed to stay away from Wheat (i have a wheat allergy and am trying to stay away from it completely), I did indulge in too much frosting (i prefer frosting to cake!). Kinda overdid it a little bit.
So, if you have a milk allergy and you eat frosting (like I did) you get a stomach ache. But, it was a calculated risk and I was better off eating milk-based frosting than anything w/Wheat in it. Anyway, I then proceeded to confer with my life coach, the wonderful Christine Laureano, on my goals for the detox program. When I wrote them down they were focused on one thing - I need to change the way I think about myself, before I can change the way that anyone else thinks about -- and treats -- me!
Eek. Not loving that. That's actual work, isn't it? Here's what she had to say:
One thing I have learned over time...and hear it again yesterday that just reconfirms it is...we can let all kinds of "excuses" stop us from doing what we want and love. It is so easy to fall into the habit of "not" doing something because it is easier than doing the work to change. But...you just went beyond the first step of awareness! You are aware that you want to make changes that are good for YOU! What I notice... that you are always "there" for everyone else...but give Julie very little quality time. You can help others by letting go and being there for YOU first.
If they are not consciously aware that they need to make life-changing decisions... all your work will go unheard. Concentrate on YOU!
The other changes will come - just trust that they will. (Spiritual work...we'll get to that)There is another question that can help with the overwhelm and the people in your life.....this is a tough one, but one I use all the time for me.
Many of the things that people "do to us" or "react to us" with are a mirror for what we are going. How are some of the people in your life a mirror for what is going on for you?
So...though I enjoy complaining about how the world treats me . . . and walks all over me . . . I actually do not treat myself that great . . . so voila. Again the changing points back to me. And how I take care of myself.
Here's what I am trying to do during my 365 Detox:
- Stay off of wheat
- Minimize cheese/milk products to maybe one day a week (take lactaid if I do)
- Exercise daily, including: walking 2 miles/day. Situps, arm weights, other body sculpting moves to make me feel like a 'person' again, take my vitamins, minerals and supplements every day, do a deep breathing exercise daily (10 mins), and write daily. I have two novels that I'm working on and I like to come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons why I don't work on them.
- Try not to use shopping as a drug/replacement for taking care of me (it's my vice)
- No more excuses!
- Read more books for pleasure, like novels, biographies, poems
- Be more present for my family - not wrapped up in emails or my crazy PDA
- Build my own sense of self and confidence
Can that be accomplished? I don't know. I hope so!
How did I do yesterday? I took all of my vitamins, Calcium, loaded up on Fish Oil because Dr. Ed Gordon says you should do so. Then I went to a 40th Birthday Party and while I managed to stay away from Wheat (i have a wheat allergy and am trying to stay away from it completely), I did indulge in too much frosting (i prefer frosting to cake!). Kinda overdid it a little bit.
So, if you have a milk allergy and you eat frosting (like I did) you get a stomach ache. But, it was a calculated risk and I was better off eating milk-based frosting than anything w/Wheat in it. Anyway, I then proceeded to confer with my life coach, the wonderful Christine Laureano, on my goals for the detox program. When I wrote them down they were focused on one thing - I need to change the way I think about myself, before I can change the way that anyone else thinks about -- and treats -- me!
Eek. Not loving that. That's actual work, isn't it? Here's what she had to say:
One thing I have learned over time...and hear it again yesterday that just reconfirms it is...we can let all kinds of "excuses" stop us from doing what we want and love. It is so easy to fall into the habit of "not" doing something because it is easier than doing the work to change. But...you just went beyond the first step of awareness! You are aware that you want to make changes that are good for YOU! What I notice... that you are always "there" for everyone else...but give Julie very little quality time. You can help others by letting go and being there for YOU first.
If they are not consciously aware that they need to make life-changing decisions... all your work will go unheard. Concentrate on YOU!
The other changes will come - just trust that they will. (Spiritual work...we'll get to that)There is another question that can help with the overwhelm and the people in your life.....this is a tough one, but one I use all the time for me.
Many of the things that people "do to us" or "react to us" with are a mirror for what we are going. How are some of the people in your life a mirror for what is going on for you?
So...though I enjoy complaining about how the world treats me . . . and walks all over me . . . I actually do not treat myself that great . . . so voila. Again the changing points back to me. And how I take care of myself.
Here's what I am trying to do during my 365 Detox:
- Stay off of wheat
- Minimize cheese/milk products to maybe one day a week (take lactaid if I do)
- Exercise daily, including: walking 2 miles/day. Situps, arm weights, other body sculpting moves to make me feel like a 'person' again, take my vitamins, minerals and supplements every day, do a deep breathing exercise daily (10 mins), and write daily. I have two novels that I'm working on and I like to come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons why I don't work on them.
- Try not to use shopping as a drug/replacement for taking care of me (it's my vice)
- No more excuses!
- Read more books for pleasure, like novels, biographies, poems
- Be more present for my family - not wrapped up in emails or my crazy PDA
- Build my own sense of self and confidence
Can that be accomplished? I don't know. I hope so!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
New Year, New Life
Welcome to 365 Detox. In a word, it's about healing. Not just momentary healing. But a one-year program that I've decided to embark upon staring January 3, 2010, and ending January 2, 2011.
I have a long life history. I have had amazing experiences, and awful traumas. Through this blog you will find out about my life, probably be relieved that you are not me, and hopefully heal along with me. I am embarking on this journey to help myself, and others.
At this juncture I find myself, 47, married, three children (one step), 21, 19 and 7. It's hard to put a finger on my supposed 'problem'.
It's complicated -- but to sum it up, I am feeling worn down. Worn down from a cavalcade of trauma I've experienced in my life. The effects of these traumas have finally added up to me losing my edge -- a stability, a strength, a positive energy, which brought me through the traumas.
One year ago, it all left me. I had a lengthy anxiety attack, and needed to start to take medication for anxiety. Strangely enough, this process helped me to discover that I'd been covering up all of the trauma and beating it down inside me for so many years that I had already lost my own personal power and strength years ago.
I was a walking time bomb....ready to explode at any minute.
This year I want to push further.
I want to change my health, my outlook, and rebuild my inner strength, hope, and confidence. I invite you to share this experience with me. We will be asking experts, getting nutritional advice, getting spiritual and healing advice, and calling upon others on a similar journey to help us out.
I hope you enjoy my journey and learn along with me.
I have a long life history. I have had amazing experiences, and awful traumas. Through this blog you will find out about my life, probably be relieved that you are not me, and hopefully heal along with me. I am embarking on this journey to help myself, and others.
At this juncture I find myself, 47, married, three children (one step), 21, 19 and 7. It's hard to put a finger on my supposed 'problem'.
It's complicated -- but to sum it up, I am feeling worn down. Worn down from a cavalcade of trauma I've experienced in my life. The effects of these traumas have finally added up to me losing my edge -- a stability, a strength, a positive energy, which brought me through the traumas.
One year ago, it all left me. I had a lengthy anxiety attack, and needed to start to take medication for anxiety. Strangely enough, this process helped me to discover that I'd been covering up all of the trauma and beating it down inside me for so many years that I had already lost my own personal power and strength years ago.
I was a walking time bomb....ready to explode at any minute.
This year I want to push further.
I want to change my health, my outlook, and rebuild my inner strength, hope, and confidence. I invite you to share this experience with me. We will be asking experts, getting nutritional advice, getting spiritual and healing advice, and calling upon others on a similar journey to help us out.
I hope you enjoy my journey and learn along with me.
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